I just had a realisation: I am going about something entirely the wrong way!
Yesterday evening we went to the park. The kids were playing on a massive see-saw. Have you seen them? They look cool....massive...like you stand up rather than sit down.
I was complaining about this see-saw, in that it promised more than I felt it could deliver.
Because of the scale of it, the weight and the momentum required to get it moving, it seemed, to me, to be more effort than it was worth.
In a way I was right, in a way I was wrong.
Achieving true balance can be difficult - especially for a thrill-seeker like me!
I am not a thrill-seeker insomuch as I was stupidly throw myself out of a plane or swim with sharks ~ I'm far too sensitive for such pursuits, but I am in the constant search for pleasure that seems to be integral to my existence.
Take coffee for example. Where the average person has one cup, I have five.
I still smoke (sorry Mum), when most of the world that has given up. Not much - one or two in the evening.
I like a drink. I like staying up late. I like stuffing myself with chocolate of an evening too. I spend too much money. I eat out a lot. I fill my spare time with loads of 'stuff' - reading, cafe, galleries etc....
Not that any of these things are particularly unusual. I know we are many...but what I have realised is that is one wants to live this way, unless one is a millionaire, it is bound to have an effect.
Going back to the big see-saw, what I discovered yesterday, is that it could be fun, but it required a lot of effort.
Load the kids up on one side, adults on the other - remove and add people to get the weight distribution right...get it going....then really sit back hard and catch the momentum at just the right time to go back again. If I was scientifically minded I would add an equation her to illustrate. But I am not!
So, the bigger the see-saw is, the more you have to do to get the balance right.
What has this got to do with life?
Okay, so lets imagine this huge see-saw again....load it up one side with, lets say 'yang' activities: staying up late, drinking, driving all over the country, eating and eating, coffee-drinking, film-watching, gig-going and working hard.....
One is gonna need to stick a lot of 'yin' on the other side! Like sleep, gentle exercise, long walks, detox smoothies, spa-sessions, holidays, time in bed writing blogs, meditation, staring into space etc......in order to get anywhere close to competing with the yang adventures.
My mum is always telling me I do too much.
It could be that my health issues are a reflection of this - eczema, heartburn, gum problems and the mysterious thyroid regulation that I seem to no longer be able to do on my own. And, of course, being overweight.
I promised myself that this year I was going to listen to my body. Ahem. Here we are 3 months into the year already. "How's that going Bec?!" "Not fantastically well, blog, if I'm honest with you..." I am still around 20 pounds overweight...I am still taking codeine when my migraines hit hard and anti-reflux medication to keep me going!
I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, but perhaps it is time for me to wake up and smell the coffee (mmmmm...cofffffeeee!)
If I keep on piling up one side of the see-saw, I am going to have to continue the endless effort trying to get the other side to match up ~ and this in itself can be exhausting!
I need a smaller see-saw, one that can be sat on, a bit less effort to get going! It's lighter and can't fit as much on it; one end and the other. It is much more simple.
I am going to try and take a few things off the yang side ~ give the yin a chance.
Give less a go.
Will keep you posted! Even as I write this I am thinking it might be fun to pop back and try the giant see-saw. Just one more time!
Making my way through a whole cafetiere while I write this!
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