This Time is My Time

Well hello there blog.  It's been a while...and so much has changed :)

There's me, banging on about making changes (and being utterly miserable with it) for so long...and now I've only gone and done it.  I LEFT MY JOB.  I RESIGNED!  I can't go into the details, but let's just say I'm OK....

Making the changes was by no means easy, but they were essential.  I have always said that people generally don't change things until the pain of not changing is more significant than the pain (or fear) of not changing.  This is exactly what happened with my work.  I had to leave.

So, what now?  I have been off for nearly 3 months and a lot has happened in that time.  First, I ended up in interviews for jobs a distinct step up, in the same industry.  And, I started one.  However, I quickly realised it wasn't for me.  It felt like settling.  And, I am too long in the tooth now to settle.  I hadn't left my steady, reliable, boring job to walk right into another; however well paid.  Once I realised that the politics were the wrong side of friendly, I knew it wasn't for me.  So, I QUIT.  Just like that.  I walked away from a super-well-paid job.  And, I am planning to quit more often.

Because I am worth it! (gosh, I really hate that slogan ;), but it is true....life is indeed short.  I want to be happy, fulfilled and motivated every single day.  Is that too much to ask?  Hehe - probably...  But, I want to be happy and fulfilled enough that I can ride the bad days out better - without feeling like I'm trapped and the my whole life IS A MESS.

This time is my time!

We went to Maderia shortly after I decided to leave my job - it was amazing to have that time to reflect

It's like a gorgeous reflexologist and healer said to me the other day: "You've looked after others and kept things going for years; now it's time for you."  I breathed a massive sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep while she massaged away my worries.

I'm excited.  I've been trying out different things.  I set up my own business and built a website - coachandconsulting.co.uk - which has been fun.  I got myself some work already - I am hoping to gain a few clients to coach- I'd love to branch out into workshops and stuff.  Ultimately, I want to work for myself full-time, but I will have to do some well-paid part-time stuff at the same time for a while, and there's a job or two like this in the pipeline.  Exciting projects too!

The home page of my website - I have done a couple of marketing jobs already :)

I have even been doing a bit of dog sitting...and paid writing! Here's my article for Ethical Surrey: http://ethicalsurrey.com/the-virtual-vegan/

So change then, yeah......it's not been easy.  In fact, it has been quite traumatic.  But, change is absolutely essential for growth.  And I am definitely growing again ~ and I'm happy.  And I'm fine with the uncertainty.  I was completely exhausted - now I am looking forward to the next day....and the next....and enjoying being in the moment too.

I am awakening once again, I am balancing the yin and the yang, and I am so grateful for the new opportunities.

Do you feel stuck too?  If you want someone neutral to talk to and maybe try out a few techniques, please contact me for a free intro sykpe session: 

 http://coachandconsulting.co.uk/contact

With love and gratitude,

Rebecca

Where to start?

I have a new pen. It's pink and sparkly and it makes me happy. I am pretty keen on stationery - I love Paperchase more than the next person - I think so anyway....I get very excited when time allows me to browse there.

I love the colours, the art, the memories and the possibilities that can be recorded in frames, diaries, notebooks, scrapbooks etc; the romantic notion of a pen, a fresh page, a place to write and the potential of creating something new, good, beautiful even - just from the act of having a thought and recording it - like that will make it happen.

It worked with my vision board many years ago. Seven to be precise - New Year 2010. I was living with my (then) family at my parents' house. My work-life was in limbo. I had nothing productive to do and I was home-based - awaiting my fate. But, I was motivated, slim, on the verge of my first bout of vegetarianism. I was feeling enlightened.

I can look back and identify a few periods like this: breakthroughs - often preceded by a period pain and suffering- yin and yang (taijitu) - you are often more able to appreciate the pleasure of you first experience the pain.

I wonder if I am on the verge of another breakthrough? I have been building up to this time for ages. Is it the final piece in the puzzle (for now at least....life is always changing).

I dreamt of a new life back then. I made a pictorial record of the things I wanted:


Baby girl ✅
Italy ✅
Home of my own ✅
Love and happiness ✅
Yoga ✅
Money ✅

I manifested it all. I believe this was not due to any divine intervention (undecided on this anyway), but most probably due to the fact that I focused on what I wanted - I clarified it all in my own mind....and slowly I shifted things to make it all happen.  I even ran a marathon for fucks sake!

The challenge now is to decide what I want to happen next.

I spend far too much time on my phone.  I flick through aimlessly, then I take photos, I post them on Insta https://www.instagram.com/becparks1/, I connect with like-minded people on Facebook and I scratch an itch I guess.  I sign a petition and I feel politically active, I share vegan recipes and I feel politically involved. I take arty photos and skate over the surface of my creative yearnings.

I dream of writing, reading (with a pile of notebooks next to me), cooking, collecting, painting, displaying, marching, moving, meditating, connecting, 
REALLY TRULY LIVING.....and then I return to my social media accounts and 
wile away a few more hours of my week (when I could be doing all the above) scraping the tip of the iceberg.

I look up yoga (try to go, but be late or forget my mat) and search for walks, meet ups, exhibitions, shows, amdram, photography courses....I even apply for a job in animal welfare! I watch programmes like 'Escape to the Wild' and I feel inspired by new, alternative ways of living. All of this against a backdrop of sheer utter boredem most of the time. I walk heavy with the weight of responsibility on my shoulders.....and I try to forget about it with a visit to Planet Organic!

I want something different - dramatically so - but where to start? Here? Now?

That is the scariest thought of all, 'where to start' - perhaps it's time for another vision board?