Time is a Valuable Resource!

4th March - Vbites - Brighton

It's my last day of being 40.  I am in Brighton - enjoying a date with myself.  I see a tradition in creation; last year I spent the day on my own in Windsor.

And, on my 21st birthday I did the same:  a day in Leeds - some shopping, some lunch in the Victorian quarter...

Doing this helps me to re-group and re-focus my priorities, which re-affirms my search for balance (is if a sign or a coincidence that the yoga studio above this cafe is called 'About Balance'?!)

In Maya Angelou's book 'Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now', 1993, she writes about the benefits of having a day away - catching a train alone somewhere new and exploring.  It's stuck with me ever since.

I read it in my late teens, so for over 20 years it has been one of the nuggets of advice I have carried with me ~ as I get older I want away days more and more!

Maybe this is just because my attention span is wavering? Or is it that work is unfulfilling and age has no choice but to remind me that time is a valuable resource I want to spend wisely?  In my 40th year I have worked this desire.  What a year!

It kicked of with a fundraising party on March 5th - money to go to my chosen charity for the London Marathon, which I was running the following month  - Able Child Africa.

It was amazing.  So great to celebrate with Ron and the kids, the rest of my family and friends, and my lovely work colleagues.  I felt wanted and loved and supported.

But mostly I felt free and alive!  It was almost as if this was the wedding party I never had....but that life was fake, and now, here I was, awakened and alive - allowing myself to be real and true.  It was liberating.

Some party-people!

Then in April we took a trip to Sri Lanka.  How lucky I felt - how wonderful to experience this great, diverse island - now in peace, but still somehow bore the wounds of atrocity that had been revealed in Channel 4's The Killing Fields and of course the tsunami that devastated the south coast.

There, we travelled simply.  I loved hanging out in the cabana with no mod cons and sleeping outside, meeting lovely gentle people and eating really tasty food.

I was training for the London Marathon along Unawatuna beach, and two days after I RAN IT!

Us in Sri Lanka - super chilled!  And me and Tiff marathon-ready!

And the world continued to present me with wonderful opportunities throughout the year:
I spend a fantastic few days with my best mate in Marrakesh....in a riad, up a mountain, and in the Yves St Laurent gardens - an absolute oasis....the stuff of dreams....with wonderful food and conversation.

Me and Tam - it's nice here innit?! ;)

We spent a few sunny days camping near Swanage with other lovely friends - drinking bubbly overlooking the beach was a highlight!  

 Love a bit of camping and champagne by the sea 

And at the end of the summer we travelled to Estepona (which has the most outstanding street art)...staying in a private villa with a pool (and a menagerie of animals, beautiful garden and the best meditation chair and spot EVER!)  For two weeks we entertained family from England and Gibraltar.

Then our camping friends, whom I introduced, tied the knot in September....and two months later WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!  Which is a whole other (good) story all in itself :)

We had Christmas we the lovely Baileys in Portsmouth and then over to my family in the Cotswolds, New Year was in the best place - BED!  And in January we went to Ibiza - where I got a Taijitu tattoo! And, it was also January 1st when my vegan adventure began.

My girl settled in well at her new school and my boy, turned 18 and knuckled down to his A levels.

The only thing that has been truly rocky is been work - specifically my ability to cope with the monotony - despite the freedom it brings.  And my health actually.....I've gained over a stone since this time last year.

So, what's the conclusion?

40 HAS BEEN GREAT! I am VERY lucky.  I am secure in my home, with my family and in my relationship.  I am not gloating.  I hope it doesn't come across that way.  I am truly grateful. 

In the coming year, I strongly believe I must keep moving towards a more ethical way of living.  I would love one day to earn a living doing something that truly nurtures my soul and contributes to the world.

And, I want to be healthy.  Exercise and diet need to remain more consistent.  I want to live well for as long as possible!!

BUT....I am going to get back on that tip on Monday!  The abundance of vegan eats in Brighton has seduced me into two cafes today - once for a 'cheese' burger and chips - at The Loving Hut http://thelevel.lovinghut.co.uk/ (which was amazing) and then later for a gluten-free carrot and orange cake and tea - which I am eating while writing this!  In Vbites http://www.vbites.com/

Super yummy vegan food!

Anyway, tomorrow is another day.  BRING ON 41!  I am ready now..... can't wait to see what you have to offer!

A sunny September day by the Bailey's beach hut in Portsmouth.  Good times!

When life gets in the way....

Finding balance can be a challenge when life gets in the way.  

This morning, I wake up to my 6 yr old daughter crying from next door ..."I feel sick!", then the dog starts barking and crying (hearing I am up = dog wants out)....I trudge downstairs half-asleep for sick bowl and to open the back door.

I decide to empty the washing machine.  I end up cleaning out the rubber rim around the door of starburst sweets that I forgot were left in my 18 yr old son's pocket - which he warned me about yesterday having helpfully told me "that jacket didn't need washing anyway...and where have all my socks gone?" (imagine teenage under the breath irritated grumble -voice).

I go to my work mobile so I can text my boss to say I won't be meeting him today, as I am under house-arrest with sick child still and find TWO angry customer emails that have arrived n my inbox overnight and need immediate response....URGENT!

Meanwhile, I have ill child moaning and dog now barking to come back in....

I make daughter some toast to help curb the sickness - she doesn't want it.  So I absent-mindlessly eat it myself! So, that's starting the day with gluten and butter (I am trying to sort out my IBS and under-active thyroid and also not consume ANY animal products for ethical reasons)

Vegan FAIL - feel bad.

The good news is it is 9am - I have the whole day ahead of me - at home.  If sick child can be kept content-ish with TV and activity (currently leaning on top of me colouring while I write this) I can start to wade through the murky waters that make up my work tasks for the day - not to mention the home admin, dog walk, childcare and housework (and I MUST finally register at the doctors) - maybe I can feel like I am doing something worthwhile while at it?

I WILL make an effort to balance the yang start to the day with some yin time.  On dog walk?  In the bath?  While listening to my audiobook?  When cooking?  I am spending time writing this - which is a luxury.  Perhaps I might get really lucky and have time to meditate for 10 mins later?

After all, it is mornings like these (most) when one really needs it.

Ommmm....

Me 'working' from bed with sick child (who is looking incredibly well) leaning into me as if she can't get close enough! 

Where to start?

I have a new pen. It's pink and sparkly and it makes me happy. I am pretty keen on stationery - I love Paperchase more than the next person - I think so anyway....I get very excited when time allows me to browse there.

I love the colours, the art, the memories and the possibilities that can be recorded in frames, diaries, notebooks, scrapbooks etc; the romantic notion of a pen, a fresh page, a place to write and the potential of creating something new, good, beautiful even - just from the act of having a thought and recording it - like that will make it happen.

It worked with my vision board many years ago. Seven to be precise - New Year 2010. I was living with my (then) family at my parents' house. My work-life was in limbo. I had nothing productive to do and I was home-based - awaiting my fate. But, I was motivated, slim, on the verge of my first bout of vegetarianism. I was feeling enlightened.

I can look back and identify a few periods like this: breakthroughs - often preceded by a period pain and suffering- yin and yang (taijitu) - you are often more able to appreciate the pleasure of you first experience the pain.

I wonder if I am on the verge of another breakthrough? I have been building up to this time for ages. Is it the final piece in the puzzle (for now at least....life is always changing).

I dreamt of a new life back then. I made a pictorial record of the things I wanted:


Baby girl ✅
Italy ✅
Home of my own ✅
Love and happiness ✅
Yoga ✅
Money ✅

I manifested it all. I believe this was not due to any divine intervention (undecided on this anyway), but most probably due to the fact that I focused on what I wanted - I clarified it all in my own mind....and slowly I shifted things to make it all happen.  I even ran a marathon for fucks sake!

The challenge now is to decide what I want to happen next.

I spend far too much time on my phone.  I flick through aimlessly, then I take photos, I post them on Insta https://www.instagram.com/becparks1/, I connect with like-minded people on Facebook and I scratch an itch I guess.  I sign a petition and I feel politically active, I share vegan recipes and I feel politically involved. I take arty photos and skate over the surface of my creative yearnings.

I dream of writing, reading (with a pile of notebooks next to me), cooking, collecting, painting, displaying, marching, moving, meditating, connecting, 
REALLY TRULY LIVING.....and then I return to my social media accounts and 
wile away a few more hours of my week (when I could be doing all the above) scraping the tip of the iceberg.

I look up yoga (try to go, but be late or forget my mat) and search for walks, meet ups, exhibitions, shows, amdram, photography courses....I even apply for a job in animal welfare! I watch programmes like 'Escape to the Wild' and I feel inspired by new, alternative ways of living. All of this against a backdrop of sheer utter boredem most of the time. I walk heavy with the weight of responsibility on my shoulders.....and I try to forget about it with a visit to Planet Organic!

I want something different - dramatically so - but where to start? Here? Now?

That is the scariest thought of all, 'where to start' - perhaps it's time for another vision board?